Expanding marriage: webinar replay

Selected transcript excerpts

These short excerpts are lightly edited from the recording's captions. Watch the full replay for context.

Baya Voce on where relationships break down

13:55

It's actually not in big moments that our relationships break down. It's in the small, mundane, day-to-day, because we don't know how to come back together after these micro ruptures happen.

Baya Voce on "half presence"

22:06

There's a term I like called half presence, which is basically being partially present all of the time, in the moments of transition where we used to have mundane connection.

Tommaso Barba on love as a skill

41:51

Love is a skill, not just a feeling. Psychedelics, especially without preparation and integration, can increase the feelings of love, but they don't increase our capacity to be in a long-term, sustained relationship with our partners.

Baya Voce on coming back to baseline

45:08

We have to come back to baseline, and we have to know what to do when we're at baseline.

Questions this replay answers

What does intimacy involve, beyond sex?

Baya breaks it into three parts: emotional intimacy (feeling known and understood), physical and erotic intimacy, and practical intimacy (reliability, teamwork and follow-through). She points to "perceived partner responsiveness", the feeling of being understood and responded to, as one of the best-supported measures in relationship research.

Can a psilocybin experience on your own affect your relationship?

In the program Monica describes, a couple in her group each had their own experience, and what each of them worked through on their own still brought them closer. Tommaso explains that in group retreat settings, partners are usually invited to focus inward rather than work on the relationship during the session.

Do the effects on a relationship last?

Not on their own, both speakers say. Baya describes the weeks after an experience as a window for building new habits together, and notes that couples who skip that work tend to return to where they started.

Is there research on psychedelics and couples?

Very little so far. Tommaso and Baya describe a handful of small, early studies, and say there is not yet data on how often couples stay together or separate afterwards.

Questions to reflect on

• What did you learn growing up about how long-term love works?
• Where do small moments of disconnection show up in your week?
• When is your phone in the room with you and your partner?

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